urethane | ensign expendable

empty handed
I have nothing to show for
so many hours, so many days, so many years wasted away.
Empty-handed, open bleeding heart:
I left by the same way I came to you.
So now you have a new life,
and you've left me behind, fending in the old one.
So now you have your new life --
oh have you forgotten me still living here in your old one?
I have nothing to show for
so many hours, so many days, so many years wasted away.

bad connection
So you call and I answer;
there's your voice on the line.
You need the key; you'll send the check.
Is that all you have to say to me?
Maybe you still love me and maybe you need me?
Maybe you miss me?
But I know you haven't even noticed that I'm not there anymore.
Maybe I still mean something to you?
Oh it hurts to admit that you do not care.
Oh it hurts to admit that it's over.

deprivation
Across my lips, wraps around my tongue
into my fingertips, and straight to the bone...
but you don't feel it, too -- do you feel at all?
Flesh made of stainless steel and a bullet proof heart --
can't squeeze passion from a stone.
My baby ain't no lover.
If I kiss the fruit, or maybe I'll shake the tree --
is it wrong for me to push, to try?
Filled with an aching thirst and still no drink for me...
cause you don't feel it, too -- do you feel at all?

driveway
My life with you is about to come to an end.
Me and my world of things -- 
in a bag, in a box, in a car -- we drive away.
I did not want this, did not choose this,
and though you would not hold me, would not love me,
I did not want to say good-bye.

absence
When I lay my head down on this pillow tonight,
when I reach my arm searching for your shoulder,
I'll remember that you won't be there anymore.
When I take another breath, I will hold the air.
When I listen for your sound,
silence is all I will hear 'cause you won't be there anymore.

forgiveness
In the silence of the night, you asleep here by my side,
I say that I am strong, and I know I can accept.
I try -- as I've promised myself -- to forget,
but I cannot seem to erase, to wash, to clean, to strip,
her poison from your sacred place...
so I lay here one more night.
I wrap the blankets tighter, and soon it will be day.

watch your step please
I don't want to ask and I don't need your permission.
If you're not going to help me, then get out of my way.
I'll scratch your eyes out and I'll break your legs.
I'll grab you by the wrist and push you down the stairs.
And I know that somehow tonight I'll crack open your head.

compromise
I know that I need to let it go,
but when I look into your angry eyes, I can barely compromise.

stalemate
When the sky dies and all the flowers go to sleep,
that's when I lie in my bed, awake, hoping you'll return.
In this stalemate, I wonder who will give in this time.
Again, the sun dives and all the blossoms close their eyes.
Still I lie:  in my bed, awake, hoping you'll return.
In this stalemate, I wonder who will give in this time.

swallow me whole
Go to your room.
Turn off the lights.
Can you sit -- I say, can you sit quiet for a goddamn minute?
Are there demons everywhere like there are for me?
And do you find the monsters in everything like it is for me?
I can no longer drive down our old street.
I have trouble eating and I do not sleep.
Memories of you consume; they swallow me.
Memories of you are eating me, have eaten me...
You said you'd be a fool if you let me get away this time --
well, I'm not away:
you fool, it's you who would not stay.
So tell me, william henry:
Are there demons everywhere like there are for me?

freedom of speech
When I reach for you face with my fingertips trembling,
when I lean over your forehead, 
just before my lips touch your skin,
I whisper the same words:
When you are awake, I'm not allowed to say,
but now that you're asleep, I am free to speak.
Why don't you love me the way I love you?
Why don't you listen?
Why don't you hold me when I need you?
Why won't you come home?
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